My Images & Thoughts

Bottlebrush

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:29:34 +0100

...and a stunning bottlebrush.

(sorry, i posted backwards...start 3 images down and scroll up)

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Magpies

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:26:30 +0100

I also saw magpies by the road...

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Tree

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:24:53 +0100

While walking this morning, I passed under a tree and looked up, and this is what i saw...

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geranium

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:18:51 +0200

not sure what i can say about this one. i just clicked as i was walking past a garden and i really liked the result.

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still walking in winter

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:04:30 +0200

these two photo's were taken a couple of months ago on a sunny winter day. There were lots of beautiful, eye catching shadows that day.

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walking in winter

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:01:12 +0200

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your majesty...

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:25:24 +0200

bowing down, and sneaking a quick look up, at the foot of his majesty.
see the fold in his bark? it looks like paper!

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pretty pretty

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:16:12 +0200

this is a variety of flowering australian eucalypt. how does it manage to be so beautiful?

just managed
to snap these camelias
as they rushed past
in pursuit of the bees knees!
(scroll down to understand)

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the shadow of my mind

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:02:14 +0200

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the bees knees

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 06:27:38 +0200

It looks like spring. took lots of photos of flowers today and the bees were buzzing. sightings like this make the world seem healthy and in balance. i guess it just depends on where you look.
I like this sight immensely!

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Beauty born of pain

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 08:59:33 +0200

Ever noticed that from out of the deepest pain, can emerge the most wondrous beauty?

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going nuts

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 15:06:04 +0200

I want to scream,
rip my clothes,
tear out my hair,
gouge at my skin,
self destruct,
spontaneously combust,
swear and cry and yell and rant!

oh, and jump up and down...alot!

know wot I mean?

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life

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:19:14 +0200

What's the point of any of it?

...of hating...

of loving...

of thinking or feeling...

of struggling or striving

or trying or screaming or crying or fighting or making up

or making love or softening or wishing or longing or needing or avoiding

or collapsing or getting started or running or hiding or asking for help

or caring or wanting

or pursuing or going to hell or giving up or forgiving or resenting

or pushing or encouraging or being positive or snapping or snarling

or judging or complaining or claiming or complementing

or competing or criticising or wishing or believing or hoping or

wanting to be heard or wondering or imagining or not listening or

fearing or awakening.

Why bother? Does anybody know?

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Give

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 08:15:21 +0200

not sure who wrote this but it's an excerpt from a forwarded email.
i thought it was very beautiful.
cheers.

"Giving someone all your love

Is never an assurance that they'll love you
back!

Don't expect love in return;

Just wait for it to grow in their heart

But if it doesn't, be content it grew in
yours."

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The Man Who Liked to Grow Grass

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 06:38:50 +0200

I know a man who likes to pull weeds while he sits on the ground.
He says it’s very de-stressing.
He drops lawn seeds into the holes.

He looks out the window every morning
and goes down the back steps every day,
to see if some grass has grown.
He feels good when the fine green hairs appear.

I know a man who writes beautiful songs,
plays a beautiful guitar
and sings a beautiful voice.

The guitar is like a woman
and gets unhappy with him
when he forgets her.
He has to make up with her;
play, and talk to her lovingly
until she allows him
to release her beautiful sounds again.

I know a man who says he doesn’t think,
but bubbles instead.
Ideas and such bubble up in his brain;
quite different to thinking,
you see.

I know a man who lives on a farm
with several little huts dotted about
where family and friends
can come and stay.

He grows spinach,
watches birds,
and the cats wind round his legs,
purring and squinting.

I know a man who loves a woman
who likes to grow things too.
She finds her peace in the night sky,
watching clouds,
walking through forest,
and drinking from the river.

The woman is like a guitar
and misses him
when he is very busy;
so he strokes her
and talks to her lovingly
with his hands
and his lips
until she starts to sing again.

I know this man, who likes to grow grass...
he is a special and beautiful man.

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Holidaze

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 07:59:17 +0200

A farm house on 500 acres
all to ourselves
surrounded by steep hills,
grazing sheep,
and a river.

We climbed those hills
and from the top
could see a horizon of ocean,
and feel gale force winds.

Up there, an eagle swooped us.
It was wild.
We laughed nervously
wondering if he meant it.

Fished for yabbies in a dam
there were none,
so we lay in the sun watching clouds
and kissing.

When night fell
the sky was so clear
and so intoxicatingly
full of stars,
we took our cushions onto the deck
and lay on our backs
counting meteorites.

When it got too cold
we went inside
and lit a fire.

We played cards
and drank vodka
We ate at the pub
and drank red wine

We lay in bed and read books.
We laughed
we cried
we stressed out
we recovered.

On the way home
we walked thru a rainforest
and drank from its river.
You could taste the rocks
and the mosses and the
beautiful life force.

The tree ferns
were like trees
with big hairy trunks
like a mammoths’ leg.

We walked all the way
to Mariners falls
and got drunk
on the negative ions.

Home was happy to see us
when we arrived
and her greeting was warm
as we came thru the door.

Soon we were unpacked,
washing done
and ready for the grind…
the daze of holiday euphoria
radiating in our smiles.

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Gone

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:57:28 +0100

Hello and farewell,
a holiday awaits.
10 wonderful days
in a secluded spot.
So just in case you comment and I don't respond...
you'll know why.
See you when I return.
Take care...

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Wise words

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:58:47 +0100

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Colours

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:56:51 +0100

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Mosaic

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:42:40 +0100

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Chaos in action

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 01:14:24 +0100

Lost at sea.
Where is me?

Come out of childhood
not knowing much.
The waters are turbulent
but I find my way through
the years of life
in my own little boat;
struggling
but doing well
at navigating the past
and putting it to bed.
I even hold down jobs.

But there is fear
and it doesn’t wish
to be known.
So I go on,
'til a vague new sense
of dullness and fatigue
descends,
and life becomes
a chore;
an effort.

But I survive.
Always surviving.

Then through the water,
it’s there…
a 10 metre wave
and my tiny boat is tipped
into a turmoil
of froth
and bubbles
and sand...

Blinding

Choking

Drowning me.

Don’t know which way is up

until,

a spotlight shines
and I am discovered
floundering,
gasping for air,
stripped bare by the
tumultuous sea.

Terrified.

Then it occurs to me...
this is how new universes
and new beginnings are born;
amidst the dissonance
of
chaos
in action.

There are storm clouds in the sky
but as the sun breaks through
a pelican flies over
and seems to smile at me.

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Fear, itself

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:04:25 +0100

We are born into these bodies.
They grow up.
They mature.
They grow old
and then they die.

That is the natural order of things.
The inevitable.
The unavoidable.
No matter what.

But our culture
conditions us
daily,
to fight the natural order;
to go against the flow…

buy botox and face lifts
and lipo and collagen
and tummy tucks and implants
and skin scraping
and augmentations…

Chase youth.
Chase it...
to exhaustion...
‘til your spirit
is bankrupt,
or you die.

Which ever
happens
first.

No one mourns
that beautiful,
spent energy
that might have created
beautiful art,
a magnificent garden,
or raised a happy child.

We’re all being fooled.

Every day.

So no one knows
that
for this body
to grow old and die
really is
actually
okay...

and
nothing
to
fear.

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The Brave

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 09:18:48 +0100

(observations of a carer)

Those who keep their minds
as they age
become the truly brave among us.

They know death is near.

They watch helplessly
as their bodies break down,
stoically keeping doctors appointments.

They come to accept their lot,
admittedly some more than others,
and quietly continue on
towards
the inevitable
end
of suffering.

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Betty (Observations of a Carer)

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 08:44:09 +0100

Sitting in this nursing home hole
a nurse is singing golden oldies
through a karaoke machine
while Betty - old lady,
visits a husband
who doesn’t
remember her.

His brain is possessed
by Alzheimer’s.
Heartbreaking, I say as I drive her to him.
Yes, but you’ve got to live with it
because you can’t change it,
she says.

The nurse sings on valiantly
to an audience of
bib wearing,
comatose elders,
who can only slouch and stare.

64 years of marriage,
and now
she must travel
across the suburbs
to spend time
with the stranger she knows.

She’s right!
You must accept
what cannot be changed.

Despite the heartache.

Nevertheless,
my eyes brim
for the agony
of that
which cannot be changed.

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Camron Dale

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 00:42:21 +0100

This is a picture of Camron Dale. He was my boyfriend for a time and a close friend for the rest. He was beautiful inside and out. He was troubled too. He wasn't perfect, but he was worth knowing. He was a painter and etcher, a musician and a poet; an uncle and brother; lover, son and friend. He was Buddhist for a while too. He wanted to live.
Cam was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 28. I met and fell in love with him when he was 30 and already in a wheel chair.

While he was in the nursing home I told him I wanted to blog about him, and would that be ok. He really loved the idea but I didn't get to it before he passed. He turned 34 on the 20th of September, '06. He died last November, the 10th. So although somewhat posthumously, now is the time to introduce the world to Camron Dale. He wanted you to know him.
I'll do that by posting the eulogy I read at his funeral. It's my story.

(Stunning self portrait by Cam.)

Eulogy to Cam:
I met Camron about 4 years ago.
My first meeting with him was the closest I have come to the experience of love at first sight. The attraction was mutual. By the end of my second shift as his carer he asked if he could kiss me. I was utterly torn between my professional integrity and my overwhelming desire to be with him. It took a few hours before I let him, and my heart, talk me round…and we kissed.

But the dilemma didn’t end there. I was totally freaked out by his wheel chair for a while. It was really scary, becoming involved with someone with Camron's compromised health and it challenged me enormously…but my heart turned out to be stronger than my fear, and we endured.

It was the beginning of a relationship and friendship of extraordinary beauty.

After about a year we separated as a couple. We hadn’t stopped caring for each other, it just couldn’t work for various reasons. And after a short period of struggle, we found our way to friendship.
We became even closer, and I remain forever grateful to Camron for accepting me as his friend. Its not an easy transition to make after you’ve been involved with someone.

But Camron had real courage which was exemplified by the fact that he saw this illness through to its end…rather than taking the suicide option which he had certainly considered.
That took such courage…not knowing what lay ahead or how bad things could get. He went head first into the great unknown of life with M.S, and despite the cruelty of the disease, he maintained his good humour and his generosity of spirit, throughout.

He remained pretty demanding too. You really couldn’t do enough for Cam. And he didn’t hesitate to ask, and ask, and ask. The nurses said, quite seriously, that he taught them patience and tolerance…we knew what they meant.
And in those learning’s of patience and tolerance, I think he germinated seeds for the more profound teachings of unconditional love.

Cam, you were a great teacher to me, simply by being yourself, and I consider your presence in my life a gift.

“Always connected by our hearts”.

I love you.

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Voyeur

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 02:41:21 +0100

I made love with you
outside tonight.

The grass was soft
beneath our skin.

The night air caused
luscious, goosy shivers
heightening our senses.

The possums cussed through trees
and across fences
providing us with a privacy
of distraction.

When I looked into your face
you were surrounded by stars
and the Milky Way…

Natures twinkling eyes
watching
without embarrassment
while we made love outside.

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Mango Kisses

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 09:53:54 +0100

Mango kisses
in a big red chair
as you nuzzle my neck...
catch the scent of your hair.

Fingers trace faces
and underneath shirts.
Skin hunger's abated
but now there's a thirst.

Lips over my ear
and the sound of your sighs
sends a thrill through me...
we walk the night skies.

Warmth beckons, "I love you".
Blue eyes look at brown.
Then with smiles and laughter
we return to the ground

(That's a picture of one of Rogers' beautiful paintings...ummm...upside down!)

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The Goddess?

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 14:46:46 +0100

I should probably preface this by saying I don't know what I'm talking about. Just quite interested. Obviously.
These are snippets, quotes and musings, thoughts and feelings.

I don't claim a religion and I don't worship any deities altho' I consider myself a spiritually curious and interested person.
The notion of the goddess appeals to me, perhaps because of the mistreatment of the feminine by modern religion. Perhaps because of an ancient wisdom that is passed thru the DNA.
Knowledge is never lost: just forgotten...and then recalled. Something or someone reminds us, and then we realize we knew that (whatever it is that rings true for us), altho it's the first time we've heard it.
Have you had that experience?

The goddess. What does it mean?

I have a glass goddess. She is the typical full figured, faceless feminine. Large and powerful. Large breasts, large belly, large thighs. She came with a card upon which was printed:

"The Goddess
She is the giver of life through love.
She is the nurturer, the mother who cares for us all,
And her love expands to all living things.

Her life force comes from the Sun
Her mystique from the Moon
And her fertility from the Earth.

One and all beings breathe the air,
And the air we share has been there since the beginning.
The interconnection stirs an ancient awakening within our hearts."

Hmmm. Its very nice.
But like human beings, she has a dark side.

The Nag Hammadi scriptures from 2nd or 3rd centuries AD, say:

"For I am the first and the last.
I am the honoured one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.
I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the members of my mother......(whatever that means)
I am the barren one and many are her sons.
I am she whose wedding is great,
And I have not taken a husband.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
And it is my husband who begot me.
I am the mother of my father and
the sister of my husband, and he is my offspring.
Give heed to me.
I am the one who is disgraced and
the great one."

I think the above is saying that the goddess embodies all things; light and dark, yin and yang. That's my take on it. What's yours?

I'm looking to a book in my collection called - "The Goddess" by Shahrukh Husein. It says..."goddess worshippers tend to be pagans. Theirs is a holistic message - emphasizing the oneness of humankind with Nature - and its accent on freedom of belief and religious practice."
I like that.

And this: "In accordance with a tenet of Goddess worship - the interdependence of all elements of the cosmic organism - pagan groups recognize no barriers of race, education, profession, or class."
This might seem idealistic to some in our 'multicultural' societies, with all the friction borne of the many cultures combining, but its necessary and worth striving for. We all need to get along to have a happy life, don't we.

I like this next bit too. It's about the tantric goddess Shakti; personified by Kali:
"Although in many images Kali is portrayed as bloodthirsty in character and appearance, her activities were never wantonly destructive. On the contrary, at her most fearsome, her aim was to wipe out demonic forces before they could endanger the cosmic order. As a symbol of empowerment for women she is, therefore, the perfect model of female balance, active and assertive, rather than pointlessly aggressive. She returns to women the three virtues that have historically been denied to them in most cultures - strength (moral and physical); intellect and knowledge; and sexual sovereignty."

I think overall the Earth is regarded as the Great Goddess - the Mother of us all, since all life ultimately springs from her and then relies on her for its sustenance. No life can emerge and flourish on a dead planet.
So in more balanced times of the past, women were revered as images of the Goddess, I guess because they also bear and nurture life and this was seen as something sacred and wonderful - magical even!

Perhaps we will witness a return of a common sense where, we cease taking the Earth's resources for granted, and we show our appreciation for them by taking care of the planet so that she can continue to provide everything we need for a satisfying and healthy life - a mutually beneficial relationship...wouldn't you say?

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musings on Magic...

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 03:27:58 +0100

...not the hocus pocus kind, but the kind that for me is real. It contains mystery and gives one a sense of awe. Like the workings of the human body for example. Can you explain how it works, how it heals, how it grows from conception? Anatomy books and scientists try. But they're describing what they see under a microscope, with their eyes, and that's okay, but they have to admit there's a heck of a lot they can't explain and don't understand. Its often the unseen that provides the magic for me. When a bone is broken or the skin is cut, how does it know to repair that, and when to stop? I know all its processes can ultimately be explained, but so much of it can't be right now. So much is a mystery.
And how come my thoughts and feelings affect my health. How come some people can smoke every day and live to 100, while others develop lung cancer at 55 or 60? How does that work? Where does my mind reside? Is it in my brain, or every cell of my body?

There is so much happening in our world and our individual worlds on levels we cant explain or comprehend or sometimes even see. But its still happening. How does the earth grow trees and vegetables and flowers? How does a tree know it's being shaded by a building or another tree, to kill off that part of itself and grow a new bit of itself in the sun.

(due to a technical misshap, the rest of this post has been lost. Unfortunate, but true....sorry... working on rewriting it. What a drag...)

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The Struggle with Meditation

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 02:46:59 +0100

I've always wanted to be a regular meditator but have struggled with it.

People speak so highly of it and it always sounded like the way to go but when I'd try sitting for 20 minutes a day it would last for a few days at most and then I'd quit, wondering what all the fuss was about. I'd had no lessons and no one was giving anything away; I'd just sit quietly, cross legged or in a chair,with my eyes shut, in a quiet space, thinking that was meditation.

I had more success with guided meditation where while you're sitting with closed eyes, someone talks you thru a journey thru the countryside or similar and its very pleasant but I couldn't take that home with me.

Then as luck would have it I met and eventually fell in love with a man, Roger, who happened to be a meditation teacher. I live with him now and have been learning meditation this year. I did a 10 day silent meditation retreat in March which was also very helpful.

So I've discovered what a useful tool it is for dealing with emotional 'stuff' when that's present, or simply for mindfulness training which hopefully carries over into waking life, ie: when you're not meditating.

The method is from the Vipassana tradition and uses mental noting.

My understanding of it follows:

First the sitting.

I sit in my version of a half lotus position on a cushion on the floor but you can sit on a chair if that's more comfortable. If you're on the floor its helpful to sit on the edge of the cushion rather than in the middle of it as that helps to tilt the pelvis slightly forward which makes sitting up straight easier and more comfortable. You should still be relaxed, not straining to keep your back straight, just not slumped or hunched over. Find a position that works for you. Set a timer for 30 minutes.

Next the mind.

Imagine your attention and your awareness as two separate parts of you. Your attention is the mind that never stops thinking or being distracted by sounds and smells, aches and pains and other sensations. It flits from here to there like a restless child. It seeks stimulation...positive or negative.

Your awareness is like the loving parent. The observer of the busy, restless mind. It is not judgemental, it just sees when the attention has wandered off again and gently brings it back to a focal point you have chosen. For example the breath entering and leaving the body or, the sensation of the sitting body.

The way it brings it back depends on what has distracted it. With this technique everything that can be distracting is reduced to a sensation, described with a single word. This is mental noting. Its done mentally and not out loud.

So if I hear a noise for instance, my attention will immediately go to that noise, wondering about it, complaining about it, whatever. So I mentally note "hearing, hearing". The other words you could use are thinking, feeling, smelling, seeing (if your eyes are open or if you are visualizing something). If you become aware of a pain in your body, note "pain". If you are feeling a lot of anger, note "anger, anger, anger".

The other part of it I've found cathartic is the way you can deal with emotions. We know its unhealthy to suppress feelings and its destructive to take them out on people. But they're neither right nor wrong and its important that they are acknowledged and given some form of expression. This meditation provides a middle way. So if I'm angry at someone for example(living or dead!), in my meditation I can imagine them in front of me and I can allow my mind to do whatever it wants. It can scream abuse, beat them up, throw them over a cliff, or chop them up into little pieces! My point being don't censor the mind.

Its ok because no one is being hurt or offended, and, you're not hanging onto all these toxic feelings which can leak out in destructive ways. We mustn't judge what the mind does. Just allow it and observe with compassion.

The other thing I like about this meditation is that it doesn't require absolute quiet. So I can sit on my lounge room floor or even in my car, and hear dogs barking, children playing, traffic, whatever. Its not a problem. In fact its good practice for being mindful in the world, which is a very noisy, distracting place.

If there's no emotion or pain to deal with, then I'm just practising mindfulness. ie: when I realize I'm thinking again, I return my attention to my sitting body or my breath. I think a lot so I can spend 30 minutes repeatedly bringing my mind out of thinking and back to awareness of my body.

The aim is to have control over the mind rather than it controlling you.

I should mention, because I am asked, that I've never had a "spiritual" experience during meditation, or anything particularly remarkable in that way happen. And I don't look for it, hope for it, or expect it. Those things can come and go and at the end of the day they're just an experience and another distraction we can get caught up in. Because it can be so pleasant, even amazing, we start to hope it will happen again and that's the mind taking over again. The pleasant and the unpleasant experiences are simply that...experiences. They don't mean anything. They arise and they pass away. Just keep noting and returning the attention to your chosen focal point.

Let me know if this makes sense or if you'd like more clarification. I'm still learning so trying to explain it helps me with my learning.
Cheers!

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